


Asleep

by Pepitabread



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Sibling Incest, brofeels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-01-10 12:58:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepitabread/pseuds/Pepitabread
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 2007. Bård comes home from the loneliest experience in his life just as they start filming Norges Herligste.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> I've spent such a long time writing this chapter, there was no brain left for the summary. I am so sorry! ;)  
> All comments will be appreciated.

It was early summer, and the temperature outside was slowly climbing upwards. Vegard sat in front of the mirror and studied his reflection. The dark curls had finally started to get some length. He pulled out a curl and grinned widely to himself when he saw that the lock reached all the way down to his shoulder.  
He looked forward to showing it to Bård. He couldn’t wait for the boy with the golden mane to eat the words he had spat out last summer; that Vegard would never be able to get as long and good looking hair as his own.

He hadn't seen Bård since christmas. They had needed some time apart after working together on a daily basis for the last couple of years. Bård had embarked on a three month trip around the world, all on his own. Meanwhile, Vegard had been at home in his apartment in Bergen and done nothing. Or, that's not entirely true, he had pieced together one hell of a big and complicated model air plane, but that wasn't exactly something that would impress Bård in any way. 

Now, however, Bård was on his way home, and tomorrow they'd start taping their first real TV show. They were to travel across Norway interviewing interesting and quirky people. Vegard was full of anticipation, and he was happy he was doing it together with his brother. He would rarely admit it, but without Bård he probably wouldn't have become a public figure with such a vulnerable profession as comedian. Bård was the outgoing and outspoken one of the two, always offering a quick reply and full of wit. He often felt a tiny bit awkward in social settings , so having his bubbly little brother by his side was reassuring, even though most of Bård's quick replies and witty comments were directed at him.

Vegard ran his fingers through his hair and got up to get dressed. Damn volume, maybe he could try a straightening iron to get it a bit flatter? In the mean time, he covered up his ruffled mess with his favorite beanie and bolted out the door.

\----

Bård leaned his head on his right hand as he looked out the small window of the plane. It was just minutes away from hitting the ground. He had been away for a long time, too long in fact. He had been away for so long that he had even started to miss the eternal rain at home, but most of all he had missed his big brother. The trip had started out as a magnificent find-yourself adventure, but quickly turned into a lonely and pathetic pity party for one. 

He had left his mobile at home, a decision he had come to regret after a few days, when he had wanted to call his brother and beg him to hop on the next flight over and join him. Good old Vegard who always was there for him no matter what. Bård decided to never again complain about how boring his brother could be. At this point he'd rather spend a lifetime listening to Vegard talking than to spend one more day alone. 

He thought back to the last day before he left Norway, they had had one of their typical quarrels, what it was about had long ago escaped his memory, followed by an overly long lecture concerning the health hazard of dust-balls in the office. Bård had thrown his hands up in the air, and gone home early to pack his bags. "Fuck you Vegard, it's gonna be damn good to get some time away from you" had been the last words he had said to his brother before he left. Somewhat jokingly, but with a serious enough facial expression for Vegard to know that he meant it. He regretted saying that now, and wondered whether Vegard would come and pick him up at the airport at all.

\----

The doors at the arrivals terminal opened, and Bård peered cautiously around looking for his big brother's tousled head. The hall was full of people. Young and old all stood looking for their loved ones with inquiring eyes. Bård stared investigative at all the faces, but he couldn't find Vegard's friendly smile in any of them. He felt his heart sink as he realized that his brother wasn't there. He had to look down at the ground when he felt a tear pierce through and linger in the corner of his eye. He exhaled loudly, and with a hunched back he scurried towards the exit.

"Hey" a voice said suddenly, "where are you going?" He knew that voice. Bård looked up and his blue blood shot eyes met the vibrant brown of his brother. If it was because of the multiple months of solitude, or out of sheer joy that Vegard had come after all, he didn't know, but less than a second passed before he threw his arms around his older brother and started bawling. Vegard's eyes widened and with a slightly confused look on his face he tried to stroke Bård gently on his back. Bård squeezed him even harder at that, and buried his face on Vegard's shoulder. 

His fast paced breathing hit a spot on Vegard's neck which made the older one get the chills. It must have been a while since the last time I got a hug, he thought to himself, and continued stroking his little brother's back . They stayed like that for a while, before Bård eventually wiped away his tears with the back of his hand, and shook his head in slight self doubt. " OK, enough gay for one day" he laughed and gave Vegard a quick pounce to the shoulder. "Let's go home"

\----

"Don't I get any comments on my hair? "Vegard pretended to pout and looked over at Bård as they drove home. Bård looked back at him. It had certainly gotten longer since he last saw him. The dark curls framed his face in a very flattering way. 

"Nah, what do you mean? Did you get a haircut?" he teased. 

Vegard rolled his eyes. "Fucking typical! When are you gonna admit that you're jealous? Don't think I don't know it. Remember that time you borrowed mom's curling iron? You burnt off half your hair!" Vegard laughed at the memory. He glanced over at his little brother and lifted one eyebrow in anticipation of a response. 

Bård grimaced. "Ha ha HA.." he said mockingly in return, but he couldn't really deny that Vegard was right. 

He shot another look at Vegard. There seemed to be more changes to him than just the length of his hair. His profile had somehow become more mature and manly. And he had stubble!  
Bård moved his hand up to his own chin and felt the smooth skin on his fingertips. He sighed. He couldn't help but feel a surge of envy. 

Bård had always been the pretty brother, he had been told that so many times that he had become quite self confident on the matter, maybe too confident. He studied his brother from the corner of his eye. Vegard was talking, something about the car or the scenery or the sky. Bård wasn't listening. He was almost bothered by his big brother's new level of handsome. 

"Hello? Earth to Bård!? I asked you a question." 

Bård snapped out of his train of thought, and felt a shot of blood rush to his cheeks as he realized he had been staring at his brother for God knows how long. 

"How was your trip??" Vegard was obviously tired of asking the question without getting an answer. 

"Oh it was ok, I don't really feel like talking about it right now" Bård furrowed his eyebrows and looked down. "I'm just dead tired from the hellish long flight, could we just listen to some music or something?" 

Truth was he didn't want to talk about it at all, he wished he'd never gone in the first place. Although he had wished for some time to himself, he had quickly come to realize that he had grown accustom to never being alone. To always having his brother by his side. Through thick and thin. 

Vegard turned the radio on and flicked through the channels until they simultaneously started humming along to a tune they both recognized from their childhood.

\----

" Okay , here we are," Vegard stopped the car in front of Bård's apartment. "Everything is arranged and ready for tomorrow. All you have to do is show up at the office at 9"

Bård nodded a thank you for the lift. "See you tomorrow" 

He collected his bag from the trunk, and walked up the stairs to his flat.

Once inside he went straight to bed, but after a couple of hours he woke abruptly, clinging to his pillow.  
The bedroom felt icy cold, and he couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness that kept clawing at him. He regretted not asking Vegard to sleep over in order to have someone to talk to. He got up and went into the living room, slumped down onto the couch and turned the TV on. 5 reality shows later he dozed off.

"Beep beeeep beeeeep!!" Bård lifted one eyelid slowly while trying to figure out what was making such a ghastly loud noise in the middle of the night. 

"Beeeep beeeeep beeeeeeeep" He opened both his eyes and noticed that the sun had flooded half the room. Shit, it wasn't the middle of the night after all, it was morning and he had snoozed through all the alarms on his phone. He jumped off the couch, threw on some clothes he had chucked on the floor the day before, and ran out the door. Normally he wouldn't have cared much about being late for work, but this was his first TV job. He could not be late for his first TV job! Fuck fuck fuck fuck, the swearwords almost formed a melody as he ran down the street and rounded the corner of TV Norge's new office building downtown.

Out of breath and with a pulse through the roof he rushed into the office where Vegard and the rest of the team sat. They were going through the itinerary one last time before hitting the road.

"Hi," he yelled with what little voice he managed to get out before having to bend down and support his arms on his knees in order to catch his breath.

"Last minute as usual.. we were about to leave without you!" Vegard looked at him with a devilish expression - "This year's Gullruten award for best TV presenter goes solely to Vegard Ylvisåker, on the account that his brother didn't even bother to show up for the taping!" He laughed at his own little joke.

"Oh come on, everyone knows I'm the real star here." Bård tucked his hair behind his ear and winked at his brother. "What are we waiting for? Let's go"

\----

" You're kidding me!? You haven't brought anything?" Vegard looked at his little brother in disbelief as they drove towards the first destination of the trip.

" No.. or yes, I had packed a bag, but then I kind of forgot it at home this morning"

" Fucking hell, Bård" Vegard shook his head, "what are you gonna do? Lend all my stuff?" He laughed. "Don't mistake my laughter for amusement, Bård. This is my annoyed laugh"

" Yes I'm very familiar with your annoyed laugh, thank you very much Vegard!.. But it wouldn't really be the first time we've borrowed stuff from each other. And don't forget I used to get all your hand me downs, it's just a pity I outgrew hobbit sized clothes at the age of 12…" He looked smugly over at his big brother and raised his eyebrows.

"Oh fuck off, if you're going to be rude, you can go naked"

Bård laughed "Good idea, I'll set a view count record"

" Pfft .. who would want to look at your bony ass? Here's a real man for you" Vegard tried to flex his upper arm, but Bård pinched him in the side, resulting in a high pitched squeal from Vegard. 

"Wow, such man!" Bård replied, at which they both cracked up. 

They narrowly escaped driving off the road in their laughing fit. "I think we need some air." Vegard stopped the car at a lookout point above a valley. They exited the car and approached the edge.

Bård walked over to Vegard and threw his arm around his big brother's shoulder.

"I have missed this" he said with a sigh.

"What? Norwegian nature?" Vegard felt clever and clapped his hands. He knew what his little brother meant, but he wanted him to say it out loud.

"You and me, you idiot!" Bård let go of his grip around Vegard's shoulder and turned to face him. 

"The two of us against the world type of thing. I never thought I would, but you have no idea how much I actually missed you these last couple of months" 

He looked Vegard in the eye, "I thought you should know, you know. You mean a lot to me" 

Vegard started laughing, searching for some type of sarcasm in Bård's eyes, but his laugh fell silent when he saw that Bård was completely serious. 

"This is really something Bård, let me go get a pen, I want this in writing!"

"Huh?" Bård smiled deviously at his big brother, "I didn't say a thing.."


	2. Close

They got back in the car and began the three hour drive to get to the house of their first interviewee.  
Vegard had a slight smile on his face the entire first hour.

"What the hell Vegard, you're creeping me out with that smile!" Bård looked at his older brother through squinted eyes. "Is this about the things I told you earlier? You can get off that high horse now, cause I didn't mean it." 

Vegard continued to smile. Bård threw a curled up piece of paper at him, but he didn't wince.

"VEGARD!!" Bård was audibly annoyed, still not getting a response from him. He figured the only way to get back at his dork of a brother was to return the action. He curled his mouth into a joker like grin, and turned over to stare at the older one. 

There they were, two adult men sitting side by side on the highway, having a silent smile off.  
Just like it's supposed to be, Bård thought, and found that his mouth eventually did the smiling all on its own. 

\----

They made a quick stop at their hotel, and Bård ran inside to get them checked in.  
Meanwhile, Vegard waited out in the car. He turned the engine off, and started chewing on his fingernails.

Shit, now that they were actually here, he was starting to get a little bit nervous about the whole thing. What if it all became too serious? What if no one found the show, or them, funny? What if no one would watch it and they were taken off the air? 

He could feel his heart beating a little bit faster. This wasn't a familiar feeling. He hadn't had nerves in years, not since the first time he stepped out on a stage, but this was different. Different from the stage shows, and different from the radio show. There was no live audience, and it scared him more than he ever thought it would.  
With a live audience you got instant feedback, and as a comedian that was something he thrived on. They could immediately tell when something wasn't well received, and they had the opportunity to change it up if they wanted to.

Not that they ever really cared what other people thought. Well no, actually they did care. Deeply. But they didn't let it show, not to the public anyway. To each other it was a different matter. They didn't need to voice their concerns, they could just look at each other and know. 

The brothers shared a bond not commonly shared by many others. It wasn't just that they could finish each other's sentences, which they tried avoiding cause they found it a bit corny, but they knew what the other one was going to say before he said it. They had always been like that.  
It was like having an imaginary friend, except they were both real.

"Nervous?" Bård looked down on Vegard's fingernails and back up at his face. Vegard flinched, he had been so deep in thought, he hadn't noticed Bård had returned. 

"Mm, it's just.. it's TV. We've got a lot riding on this you know. It feels like a make or break thing." 

"I know, isn't it exciting?!" Bård replied with a wide grin. He didn't want to go down the self doubt road right now, not right before their first interview.

The ten minute drive from the hotel went by in a comfortable silence. Vegard parked the car in the street outside the house, but neither of them got out right away.

"Ready?" The camera crew knocked on the passenger side car window.

The brothers shot a quick glance at each other. 

"Yep" they said in unison.

\----

"I can't believe you kept that thing" Vegard pointed at the wet tights in his brother's hand. 

"Well I wanted a souvenir. I looked good in it, didn't I?" Bård laughed as they walked from their car and into the hotel. "Besides, I couldn't really decline the offer to keep it. I don't have any clothes with me, remember?" 

They entered the lobby, and Vegard turned to face his brother. "You acted real professionally today, Bård. I don't think a lot of guys would have done what you did." 

"Yeah, nothing says professional quite like having your brother take wet look pictures of you on national television" Bård gave himself a thumbs up and winked at Vegard. They shared a laugh.

"Seriously though, I'm proud of you." He went in for a hug, but Bård just patted his shoulder lightly.

"Enough of this emotional crap, Vegard." He exaggeratingly rolled his eyes at his brother, and turned around to unlock the door. He hoped the older one didn't notice the slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Let's get some room service and watch a movie"

\----

"You do _what?_ " Vegard squinted at his brother.

"I sleep in the nude" Bård repeated. "I can't sleep with boxers on anymore, it gets all warm and uncomfortable. Just deal with it, bro"

"But.. we've got a double bed... Did you ask for twin beds at all?"

"Off course I did, you idiot. There weren't any left" 

"We could have had separate rooms?" 

"Don't be silly, Vegard. We're on a budget! When is the last time we had single rooms anyway?" Bård peeled one of the complimentary bananas left for them in a basket on the nightstand, and took a bite. "I'm gonna go down to the bar for a nightcap, wanna join me?"

"Nah, I'm gonna go to bed. Long day tomorrow, and I don't suppose you'll be driving?"

Bård stuck his tongue out in reply. "See you later then, grandpa!"

\----

A couple of hours into the night, Vegard woke up by a warm body slamming into his back. A hand found its way across his stomach and lay to rest on his chest.  
"Bård? Ehm.." Vegard could feel his little brother's stomach expand against his back every time he inhaled. 

"Bård, get off!" he tried to turn his head without shifting position. Bård was sound asleep. 

"Great.. spooning with the bro" he thought to himself and tried to roll over onto his stomach without waking the younger one, but Bård had him in some kind of deadlock. His arm was surprisingly heavy when asleep. He gave up after a few tries, and found this rather awkward sleeping position kind of cozy. It felt warm and inviting, something he hadn't felt in a long time. Besides, the thought of Bård's reaction when he would tell him about this in the morning made the whole thing worth it. He chuckled a bit and closed his eyes.

He was just about to doze off again when the hand on his chest started traveling south. It grazed his chest hair, circled around the belly button, and followed the trail of tiny hairs all the way down to "Woah!" Vegard exclaimed, although quietly. His eyes had adopted the size of canonballs as he lay there, his brother's hand dangerously close to his private area, not knowing what to do. 

Bård was snoring lightly behind him. Vegard tried to shuffle his body a little further towards the edge of the bed, but then the hand moved again, this time petting the goods.  
At this, Vegard couldn't hold it in anymore. The comedy of the situation became too much to handle, and the laughter that had desperately wanted to come out, rummaged and roared its way up from his belly and out through his mouth.

In a desperate attempt to spare his brother the embarrassment of waking up cupping his big brother's balls, he tried everything not to laugh out loud. But the more he tried to muffle the sound, the funnier it got. He ended up stuffing the corner of the pillow into his mouth and biting down on it. This resulted in his entire body shaking with laughter, and the pillow was soon drenched with drool and tears of laughter spouting from his eyes.

He was sure his involuntary body movements would be waking Bård up any minute now. However, the friction it had made between his own half naked body and Bård's completely naked body made the younger one respond with a sleepy moan, while nuzzling his nose in the older one's curls.  
Vegard tried to analyze the situation, but suddenly he felt something prodding against his backside.

Vegard forced himself out of Bård's grip, jumped out of the bed and ran for the the bathroom. He slammed the door shut behind him and laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. It took him a good ten minutes to calm down, and he walked over to the sink to have a sip of water. As he lifted his head back up, he noticed Bård's tights hanging to dry by the bathtub, and the laughter started bubbling up again.  
"Holy fucking christ" he all but whispered to his reflection as the last wave of chuckles left his lips. 

He peered his head out the bathroom door and was relieved to see that Bård was still sleeping. He walked over to the bed and looked at his brother. He looked so peaceful. The dark blond hair had fallen into his face, and his bottom lip trembled slightly as he inhaled and exhaled in a slow and steady pace.  
Vegard bit his lip to kill a new round of laughter. 

He looked at the time. It was early morning already, so he pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He was definitely not getting any more sleep, so he figured he might as well head downstairs to get some breakfast. 

He turned one last time to look at his brother. He chuckled and shook his head. "What on earth are you dreaming about, Bård?"


	3. Jump

The dining room was empty, except for two waiters setting up the breakfast buffet. Vegard poured himself a glass of juice and grabbed two slices of bread, and went to sit down at the table.  
The events of the night kept replaying in his head as he ate. As funny as he still found it, he started thinking that telling Bård might not be the best idea after all. It had all started innocently enough, but the fact was he hadn't moved away until the very last minute. There was next to no chance that Bård wouldn't ask him why he had lain there long enough for all those things to happen, and somehow he felt that "I didn't want to wake you" wouldn't quite suffice as an explanation for his own actions, even if it was the truth.

Meanwhile, back in their room, Bård was slowly waking up from his sleep. He carefully streched out every part of his body, while yawning and rubbing his eyes, getting them accustomed to the light.  
"Morning, nerdface" he said with a raspy voice. No response. He turned his head to look over at Vegard's side of the bed, but no one was there.  
"Vegard, are you in the bathroom??" he yelled. Still no response. It wasn't unusual for Bård to be the last one up, but Vegard rarely left the room without him. Being alone in a large bed in a hotel room reminded him too much of all the months he had just spent alone in a large bed in a hotel room, so even though he could do with a couple more hours of sleep, he forced himself out of bed.

"Fucking hell Vegard, your taste in clothing is something else." He shook his head while going through the older one's suitcase looking for something to wear. "What is this even?" he laughed as he found a light blue pair of jeans that seemed at least two sizes too small for his brother. "Who's the real tights man?" he chuckled to himself, and made a mental note to go shopping at some point during the trip. He settled on a pair of jeans and a brown t-shirt, and went downstairs to look for the older one.

\----

"Good morning!" Bård's voice interrupted Vegard's inner monologue. "When did you get up?"

Vegard looked up, and almost choked at his words as all he could manage to get out was a semi high pitched "Slept…well?" He covered his mouth with his hand and had to look away while waiting for Bård's response, desperately trying to kill the laughter that once again wanted out.

“Like a log” Bård sat himself down on the chair opposite his brother. “Why do you ask? Did I snore?”  
   
“No, not really..” Vegard bit his bottom lip and fiddled with the cutlery.  
   
Bård frowned. “Did I talk in my sleep again?” He suddenly seemed a bit stressed. “I’ve been told I’ve done that before, and I.. ehm..” he turned his face away and looked out the window. “Vegard, I..”  
   
“Good morning sunshine!!” the camera crew had just spotted them, and Knut the sound guy was shouting from across the room. “What are you two doing up at this hour? From what I know about you, I wasn’t expecting to see either of you until noon at least”  
   
Neither of the brothers had a chance to answer before Knut and the rest of the crew slung themselves down at their table. “So.. Nudist camp today! Are you excited?” Knut exchanged looks with the other crewmembers and they shared a chuckle.  
   
“It’s a naturist camp, not a nudist camp” Vegard protested “There’s a difference in when and how often they’re naked"  
   
“Oh but the most important thing, dear brother, is that you will be naked! On TV!” Bård had evidently regained his usual mood. "I hope we don’t lose any viewers due to your chubby little body, Vegard” he poked his brother in the chest and laughed nervously until the others joined in.

"Are you ready to show Norway the real Vegard Ylvisåker? You know, the full monty, mini-Vegard, the snake, the meat and two veg, the.." 

"Fucking hell, Bård" Vegard rolled his eyes at the younger one.

"Oh come on, you had your fun at my expense yesterday, don't think I didn't see you laughing behind the camera.. today it's my turn." He winked at his dark haired brother. "It was your idea to do this alternating thing after all, don't chicken out on me now"  
   
\----  
   
“Come on, Vegard. You're supposed to be a naturist. Shed the boxers..” Bård peered his head into the changing room where Vegard was getting ready.  “Everyone is waiting, you need to hurry up”

“Yeah.. it’s just..” the older one stood in front of the full length mirror and squinted at his reflection. “I’m a bit on the hairy side..”

“Vegard, your middle name is hairy..” Bård stepped inside the changing room and closed the door. “ What is this really about?”  
   
"I don’t know, Bård, I just don't think it’s me people want to see." 

"Well yeah, of course people would rather see this" he gestured towards his own body and grinned sheepishly, "but I'm not the one getting the complements lately. They are probably out of pity for you, but complements none the less." He hit the dark haired one playfully in the shoulder.

Vegard looked at him with an unamused expression, "they haven't seen me naked though."  
   
Bård sighed audibly. “Vegard… look, I know I tease you sometimes, …or all the time, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you look.” He took a step back, grabbed his older brother's arm, and guided him closer to the mirror. “Look at us” he said to their mirrored selves. “What do you see?" 

"A hobbit and an elf.." Vegard shrugged, and they both cracked up. 

He sat down on the bench by the wall and tugged at his curls. Bård sat down beside him. Five minutes went by in silence as they just sat there, occasionally looking at each other, but never at the same time. Vegard finally broke the silence by burying his face in his hands and making a series of small noises. OK, he was ready to do this. It wasn't like it was the end of the world, and he didn't really have a problem with nudity. He had walked around in his boxers in public before, so where was this sudden anxiety coming from? He was angry at himself for feeling this way, and especially because he didn't understand why.  
He felt an arm ghosting his back, before a hand landed on his shoulder. The hairs on his neck stood up from Bård's gesture. His body made an involuntary shivering move, and he rose to his feet.

A tiny smile tugged at the corner of Bård's lips, the kind of smile he would get whenever he thought of something really clever. "Come to think of it, it would probably be better if I did this instead of you." He picked Vegard's jeans up from the floor and flung it at him. "Put your clothes back on your hairy self, Vegard. I'm doing this, you are no longer allowed" 

Vegard had just pulled his stripy shirt back on when one of the crew members knocked on the door.

"What's going on in there? We haven't got all day!"

"Yeah yeah, we're coming, little change of plans that's all" Bård replied half yelling. He turned to face the older one and motioned a sideways nod with his head towards the door. "Get out there and prep them for the marvelous sight they're about to see"

Vegard snorted. "Jesus, you're high on yourself, Bård" 

"One of us has to be" he replied under his breath, as he carefully folded up his briefs and laid it down on top of the rest of his clothes. 

Vegard passed him on his way out. "Thank you" he mouthed.

\----

Vegard placed himself in the background observing Bård who was roaming around the camp in his birthday suit.  
His brother was really something else. So carefree, so outgoing, never afraid to make a fool of himself. Not that he was making a fool of himself by doing this, he actually seemed quite at home in a way. He admired the younger one’s ability to just jump into whatever the situation required, without his own need to analyze all the possible outcomes beforehand.  
Bård and the others were playing a ball game, and Vegard cursed himself for not remembering the name. He should know this, something beginning with b.. or p..? His thoughts were interrupted by a loud “YES!” from his brother. He must have won the game, Vegard thought. Bård did a little victory dance, and their eyes met. Bård gave him a tiny half smile, almost looking a bit insecure, to which Vegard shot him a large proud smile in return.  The younger one’s eyes lit up, and with a huge grin on his face he turned around, grabbed the hands of their interviewees, and walked towards the pier for their scheduled skinny dip.  
   
Vegard was on his way down to the waterfront with a couple of towels when a woman from the camp approached him.  
   
“Your boyfriend is adorable” she nodded in the direction of Bård, who was splashing around in the water.  
   
Vegard's eyes shot open, and he stopped abruptly in his tracks. “He’s not my boyfriend, we’re..”  
   
The woman continued before Vegard could get another word in “Really? Well I can tell he really likes you by the way he looks at you, and the chemistry between you is electric. You should go for it!” She winked.  
   
“He’s my brother!” Vegard choked and flailed his arms about.  
   
“Oh..” her eyes darted to the ground, but then back up to Vegard. "like, real brothers?”  
   
“Yes!” Vegard couldn’t decide whether he was disturbed or amused by the woman’s persistence on the matter. He decided to laugh it off, and continued down the path to the pier.  
   
\----  
   
“You’ve got the palest butt I’ve ever seen” Vegard laughed and straightened his cap after the crew had called last take. 

“Oh yeah? Seen many naked butts in your life, have you?” Bård looked at his brother and raised his eyebrows.  
   
“Well I've seen enough butts today to last me a lifetime” he answered, putting pressure on the last word.  
   
They entered the changing room, and Bård caught his naked reflection in the mirror.  
   
“How do you think I look?” His expression changed from cheeky to a bit more pensive, and he looked at his brother with tentative eyes.  
   
He got a confused look in return from the older one.  
   
“On TV I mean. How.. what do you think?”  
   
“Are you asking me my opinion on your butt?” Vegard giggled as the events of the night before came into memory again. He almost wanted to answer “I don’t know, but you seem to like mine”, but decided against it, as he’d be the only one to find it funny. He ended up staring absentmindedly at his little brother instead.  
   
Bård’s cheeks flushed and he quickly looked down. Vegard wondered for a second if he had said some of it out loud. 

“No.. just in general.. on TV..” Bård added.  
   
“I just told you, it’s gonna look pale” he winked at the younger one. “And you know the camera puts on 10 pounds. You could do with the extra weight, though. Maybe you’ll even look a little buff” he laughed and expected Bård to join in, but he was met by a set of sad eyes instead, which seemed to be preoccupied somewhere far away.  
   
“What happened to Bård the world champion of self-confidence?" He was starting to get concerned at his brother's lack of recognizable behavior. "Is it all just an act? I've spent so much time with you in a professional setting, I sometimes forget you have a human side."

Bård inhaled and started to say something, but stopped before he got the first syllable out. He groaned in frustration and shook his head. "Fuck, I don't know anymore. It's nothing… It's nothing."

He spoke in such a low volume that Vegard wasn't sure if he was talking to him or to himself.  
Something was clearly up with his little brother. It had been many years since the last time he'd seen him this far out of character for more than a couple of minutes, and even then he'd never miss out on an opportunity to fire back at the older one. He weighed his options and settled on the one thing he knew always would get his brother talking.

"Let's go out drinking tonight"

"Really?" Bård lit up for a second, "but you never want to go out drinking, why now?"

"After today I say you deserve it" Vegard smiled. "So, what'll it be?"

"Sure" Bård returned the smile "but only if we go shopping for some normal clothes tomorrow"

"Ouch" Vegard put on a fake hurt look, but agreed. "Speaking of" he pointed at Bård's still naked form, "get yourself dressed and let's get out of here."


	4. The holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a year since I updated this, I don't know whether to laugh or apologize, so I'll do both.. I promise the next chapter will be out faster!

1 month earlier:

Bård had only brought one picture with him. It was a picture of his brother. He didn't really know why he had brought it along, but he soon became grateful that he did. During the last couple of weeks of his holiday he had gone from enjoying the peaceful solitude to becoming increasingly aware of how his happiness depended on being the half of something. He didn't function on his own. There was something missing. A company he had taken for granted over the years, that he now was without. He realised he didn't feel whole without Vegard by his side. 

Without the possibility of calling his brother, he had dug out the picture one night, placed it on the pillow next to his own and started talking to it. Harmless little talks at first. He would tell him about the weather, what he'd had for lunch or how stoked he was about their upcoming tv-show. But soon enough, merely talking to the picture was no longer enough. He missed their banter and their little fights. He needed some feedback. So he made a voice and started answering himself.  
"I went sightseeing today"  
"ok" he answered in a slightly deeper tone of voice.  
"ok? is that all you can come up with? Don't you wanna know where I went?"  
"You're so full of yourself Bård"  
He giggled to himself and immediately felt better. "Good night Vegard", he chuckled, smiling properly for the first time in weeks, before turning the light off and going to sleep.

The talks with his brother's picture became his constant over the following weeks, as he secluded himself more and more from the outside world. He thought about booking an earlier flight home, but it felt like a defeat. He didn't want to show people, and particularly his older brother, how truly lost he was on his own. So instead he kept up the mock conversations to a point where he almost believed it was Vegard he was having conversations with. They would make songs and skits together, plan their future and solve world problems. But it wasn’t until one night when they had a fight, that Bård started to doubt his sanity. "I’m so lonely, Vegard" he said, his brother smiling back at him from the glossy piece of paper in his hand. "I would do anything to have the real you here with me."

The last night before going home he figured he should get out of his room. He didn't feel like it, but he needed to acclimatize to coming back. He got in the shower and washed his hair for the first time in a week, put on some clean clothes and headed for the door. Before he reached it, he turned around and quick stepped into the bedroom. He reached over the bed, grabbed the picture from the pillow and shoved it into his pocket. "Just in case", he noted to himself. With Vegard safely stored next to his hip, he headed out into the night.  
His adventure back out into the world of socializing didn't get him far. On his way through the lobby he found the hotel bar and figured that was good enough. He let out a sigh of relief as he saw the place was nearly empty, and he made his way past the booths and tables and sat down by the bar.

The bartender, a considerably pretty girl in her early twenties, seemed to light up as the blonde haired man walked in. Her eyes followed his movements, and as he sat down she walked over, flipped her hair and asked for his order.

"Just a beer, please" he replied, hand roaming around his pockets in search of his wallet. 

As she poured him his drink he noticed with slight horror that she was small talking with him. 

"I haven't seen you around here before, did you just arrive?" she asked with a smile.

"No, I.. I haven't been out much." He looked down as he finally located his wallet and pulled it out of his pocket. Along with the wallet, the picture of Vegard came flying out and landed on the counter in front of him. He froze for a second, but before he got the chance to reach out for it, the girl had picked it up.

"Who is he?" she asked.

"Umm", Bård blushed slightly and took a sip of his beer, trying to think of an explanation for why he would walk around with a picture of his brother in his pocket.

"He's handsome", she continued. "Is he.. your boyfriend?"

The beer got stuck in his throat as he tried to cough out a "no", but then an idea popped into his head and he quickly replied yes, hoping it would make her leave him alone.  
He swore he could hear Vegard laughing at him as it all but shut her up.

"Oh, well you make quite a good looking couple, I must say" 

"Thank you, I guess"

"How did you meet?"

Bård bit his lip. Too late to turn around and confess to the truth, something inside him made him flick a switch and he just ran with it. He told a story of how they had gone to the same school but never met until they ran into each other one day auditioning for a position as host of a radio show. They had both gotten the job and hosted the show together. He went on tangents along the way telling little stories of how much fun they'd had at that job. "... and we did this one segment where he had to pretend to be dutch even though he didn't know a single word of the language, and he was just so brilliant at it.. a natural." He couldn't help smiling at the memory.

"Sounds like he's your soulmate" 

"Yeah. I guess he is…" Bård sighed and put his head in his hands.

"So why isn't he here with you?"

"We.. we had a fight", he huffed as he thought about it. "Or, I said a lot of things I didn't really mean, he just stood there and took it. He always does." Bård glanced over to the picture still in the bartender's hand and felt a tear stinging in the corner of his eye. "I haven't seen him in three months, I'm scared he won't be there to pick me up. To be honest he shouldn't, I don't deserve him. He's the best big br-.. umm.. boyfriend.. anyone could ask for."

"The best big boyfriend huh?" the girl giggled and winked at Bård, who could feel his cheeks flush.  
She held the picture up in front of his face and with a mock male voice did her best impression of what she figured Vegard's voice would sound like. "Bååård, come home and make it up to me, smooch smooch" she pressed Vegard's face against Bård's cheek and laughed. 

"But to be serious for a minute, you love him right?"

"Yes, I.."

She cut him off and continued, "and it sounds to me like he loves you?"

"I'm sure he does, in his own way" 

"Then don't worry, if he loves you, he'll be there tomorrow"

He wanted to tell her the truth right then, but something stopped him. He found himself wondering what kind of boyfriend Vegard was like. Was he the kind who would wrap his loved one in big giant hugs and spin them around. Would he smile that warm smile of his and promise to take care of them forever?  
Vegard had been in relationships before, but never anything serious. He would date them for a while and then they'd lose interest in him because he spent so much time working, so much time with his little brother. What will happen the day he finds someone he really likes? Bård felt a pang of fear as he thought about someone one day taking his place as the most important person in his brother's life. Or was it something stronger than fear. Jealousy? Jealousy over a person who didn't exist. Not yet anyway. He knew without a doubt that no one would ever take his brother's place as the most important person in his life. Would it be selfish to hope that the same would be true for Vegard? 

They'd always be brothers, nothing would change that, but he wanted more, he realized he had for a very long time. He wanted all of his attention, all the time. He wanted to be the only person to make Vegard laugh, truly laugh, not that polite dry laughter, but the kind where his nose would scrunch up and he'd close his eyes and laugh until no sound came out. He wanted to be the person his brother would come to, to ask for advice, or to tell a funny story, or just to hang out together. He wanted to be his first choice. Forever. 

"Bård?", the bartender waved her hand in front of his face.

"Huh?" he snapped out of his little bubble and blushed furiously as he properly realised where his mind had been.

"I asked you if you wanted another beer?"

"I think I need something stronger..."


	5. Wilson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again sorry for the months that go by between every chapter of this thing. I'll try to improve my writing pace ;)

The night was cold and clear as they walked through the streets of the town looking for a bar. It was a small town, with tiny wooden houses all painted white, and every street was made of cobble stone. It almost resembled a doll's village, or a set from a movie about old times.

"Do you think they even have a bar here?" Vegard asked his brother as they had walked around for a while, soaking up the atmosphere.

"They better!" Bård responded, "If they don't I'll go empty the minibar at the hotel"

"We're staying at a B&B tonight, I don't think they'll have a minibar" Vegard mused. "Why are you so set on getting drunk anyway?"

Bård frowned. "Because you promised me a night out. You never do anymore, and-" he paused as he could sense himself about to blurt out something way too sentimental, "and I deserve it, remember?" 

"Hey!," Vegard exclaimed. He tried to look hurt, but he couldn't even convince himself. "I go out.. sometimes." The truth was he'd barely been social at all since Bård had left after Christmas. It wasn't that he'd lacked any opportunities to go out, but most of the invites had been addressed to them both. With Bård out of the country he felt it would be weird to show up alone. Or maybe he had feared he'd end up standing in a corner by himself. So he had found it easier to just not attend. 

Bård didn't seem to catch on. "Not with me you don't, not anymore"

"I didn't think you wanted to hang out with your boring old big brother more than you had to"

"I do.." Bård replied, a little to quick for his own liking.

"Then why did you run off for three months without even calling me?" He had avoided the subject until now. And frankly he wasn't sure why he was asking at all, because as much as it sometimes felt like they were, they weren't joined at the hip. Bård had every right to go on a holiday on his time off. But if he was completely honest with himself, it had hurt. The words Bård had spat at him before he left, and the fact that he never called. He wouldn't admit it, but he'd felt deserted and lonely, angry at himself for wondering if there was anything he could have done differently, and angry at Bård for leaving him all alone like that. But most of all confused about how much of his time he spent thinking about his younger brother, wondering where he was, what he was doing, who he was with, and if he was missing him too. "I.. I got worried you know"

"I know" Bård sighed. He was far too sober to want to continue this conversation outside in what felt like the middle of nowhere. "I'm sorry.. it's complicated, I just- I thought I needed some time alone but-" He stopped talking and suddenly set off down the street.  
"Vegard!" he yelled as he stopped outside the house at the far end. "I found a bar!!" He jumped and waved like an enthusiastic child. Vegard shook his head and smiled as Bård exclaimed a loud sound of joy and went inside.

The bar was small and quaint. The walls were covered in old street signs and vintage advertising posters, mixed in with framed photos and newspaper cutouts of what they assumed to be locals. In the middle of the room there were a few tables and chairs, and booths with benches along the walls. Due to its small size it gave off a crowded feel even though there were just a handful of people in there. They found an empty booth in a corner and went to sit down across from each other, comfortable silence surrounding them for a minute as they were happy enough just sitting down after their little walk around town.

"Ok, now what?," Vegard asked, clapping his hands in the same fashion that had earned him many a joke from his brother. "I suppose you don't want to sit here all night without a drink, and it looks like we have to order at the counter" 

"You're buying" Bård simply grinned. "I want something strong"

Vegard made his way to the bar, contemplating what his brother meant by strong. For himself, wine would be strong enough, but that would probably just earn him a snarky remark for being a wuss. Maybe he should get them some whiskey? No, whiskey just reminded him of the time he and Bård had stolen a bottle from their dad's alcohol cabinet and drank it all in Vegard's bedroom, listening to jazz and pretending to be grown ups. It had been a fun night, at least what little he remembered of it, but he had never had a worse hangover in his life.  
Maybe beer was the smartest choice, they had a recording tomorrow after all.  
He got to the counter and ordered the first thing that came to mind. "Two martinis, please" _Martinis? Who was he, James Bond?_ He mentally face palmed and gave a half embarrassed smile to the girl behind the bar. In return she tilted her head and looked quizzically at him.

"I know you from somewhere", she said in a broken english accent, squinting her eyes.

"Really?" Vegard was intrigued. They were seldom recognized out in public. It had been years since their faces grazed the tv screen, and the audience at their stage shows had mostly been of the elderly kind. And this girl wasn't even Norwegian.

"Yeah, I just can't place you." She got closer and studied his face. "Can you give me a hint?"

"Uhmm.." Vegard felt a bit stupid. Should he sing something, and in that case what? No, singing would be embarrassing. "I'm a sort of a performer", he turned around and pointed at Bård who sat at the table staring blankly at his phone. "I'm in a revue duo with my b-"

"Bård?!"

Bård looked up to find the source of the female voice calling his name. He found it right next to Vegard who stood there smiling awkwardly. It was the girl from the hotel bar. What is she doing here- oh god she thinks Vegard is..  
The girl looked from Bård to Vegard. Vegard looked at Bård. Bård looked horrified. 

The girl was waving excitedly for Bård to come up and join them. "Wow you're Vegard! You're even more handsome in person", she winked at him. Vegard was confused. Within a second Bård had raced up and was now standing between the girl and his brother. _Please don't say anything, please don't say anything_

"Hi.. why, umm, what are you doing here?" he asked the girl, nerves eating him up on the inside.

"I've always wanted to visit Norway", she smiled back at both of them. "A friend of mine works here and they had a two week opening as a bartender while the regular one is on holiday so here I am"

There was an awkward silence for a couple of minutes while all three just stood there looking at each other.

Vegard was the first one to open his mouth. "So, Bård, do you want to introduce me to this person who's apparently seen me somewhere?"

Bård's heart was hammering out of his chest. "Yes, umm.. Vegard, this is- wait, I don't think I ever got your name?"

"I'm Nadya" she replied with a wink.

"Oh, ok, Vegard this is Nadya, the bartender at one of the hotels I was staying at. Nadya, this is my.. this is Vegard"

He closed his eyes as they were shaking hands. The truth was only moments away from coming out, he could feel it. Where is the hole in the ground when you need it?

Nadya turned her attention back to Bård. "My shift is over in an hour, I'll come over and join you if that's ok?"

"Ok" Bård heard himself say against his better judgement, his mind working on some sort of faulty autopilot.

Vegard took their martinis in hand and went back to the table, while Bård lingered at the bar. He should say something, tell her the truth, or tell her not to come over. But then he'd need a reason for why they wanted to be left alone. He couldn't decide what would be worse, to be faced with the embarrassment of having lied about something so far off the scale of weird, or continue the lie and hope no one mentioned the words brother or boyfriend the rest of the evening. The chance of that happening was non existent. He should say something, but he didn't, he couldn't. Instead he ordered a round of ten shots of tequila, and made his way over to Vegard.

The dark haired man laughed at the sight of his brother clumsily trying to set the tray down on the table without spilling. "Tequila?", he frowned. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"Shut up" the younger one replied. "Of course I am, that's what we're here for remember? You owe me!" 

Multiple orders of shots and almost an hour later, Vegard's thoughts slipped to Bård and the girl. There had been a weird tension between them, at least on Bård's part. Did something happen between them? Vegard suddenly felt a bit uneasy, although he couldn't really place the reason why. And she was coming over later? Vegard bit his lip as he thought about being the third wheel at yet another night out with his brother. This was why he usually declined Bård's offers of going out for drinks. His social butterfly of a little brother always met some long lost friend or a cousin of a neighbour of a classmate, and they would sit and chat while he would stare deftly into his drink and wish he'd stayed at home. He had hoped tonight would be just the two of them.  
He missed it sometimes, the days when they would hang out together outside of work, when they were younger. It used to always be him and Bård, no questions. They never went anywhere without each other. Bård made him feel safe in a way no one else could. He felt stupid for being so dependent on his brother, his _little brother_ at that. But there was just something about him, something about them together that made him feel whole. He couldn't place the feeling, but he'd never felt it with anyone else, and whenever he had to compete for his brother's attention he felt it even more.

Interrupted by the creaking sound of a chair, Vegard looked up from his train of thought only to find his brother staring at him. 

Bård left his seat across the table and went to sit next to him on the bench instead.  
"Vegard?", he scrunched his nose and hesitated for a second, "I need to tell you something.." 

He closed one eye and took a deep breath. He had come to the conclusion it was easier to tell Vegard the truth than the bartender. Why that was, he didn't know. Maybe it was the alcohol and the fact that he was far more drunk now than when he was faced with the same dilemma an hour ago. The option to just get up and leave before she would join them had crossed his mind too of course, but a little voice inside his head told him this would be the best way. And he didn't want the night to end yet. Vegard would understand, right? Maybe he'd even laugh and take the whole thing as a compliment? After all it was just a product of him being lonely. Or was it more than that. Bård felt his cheeks change colour as he opened his mouth. It was definitely more than that. 

"Ehm.. ok.. oh god this is so stupid. Please don't laugh? Or actually please do laugh, cause really it's sort of funny, I think, or maybe-" 

"Jesus Bård, stop rambling and just tell me" 

"Nadya thinks you're my boyfriend!", he blurted out and then quickly looked away.

Vegard nearly choked on his drink. Trying to prevent the liquid from spraying out in a cartoon like manner, he managed to swallow most of it, though a couple of droplets escaped his mouth and ran down his chin. He wiped them off with the back of his hand and coughed. "What?" 

Bård still didn't look at him.

"Why?"

"Because I told her you were.." Bård hid his face in his hands. The amount of alcohol he had consumed might have made him brave enough to say it, but it didn't help in lowering the amount of embarrassment he felt.

"What??" Vegard repeated, this time with a very confused chuckle.

Bård told him about the picture and how she had asked if they were a couple, and how he for some reason found it easier to say yes than no, and then how it was too late to turn around after he'd made up a story of how they met. He looked up at him when he was done talking, scanning his brother's face for a reaction.  
Vegard bit his lip, and then he started laughing. "Do you know what the funniest part of this is?"

"No..?"

"There was this woman at the naturist camp earlier who asked me the same thing!", he giggled. "Do we give off that vibe or something?"

"Was there really?", Bård coughed, giving no attention to Vegard's question. "what did you tell her?"

"I said no of course. Not everyone panics like you!" he laughed and punched Bård on the shoulder. "Why did you walk around with a picture of me anyway?"

"No special reason…"

"No special reason? Then why was it easier to say I was your boyfriend than your brother?"

"Dammit Vegard, can you just let it go?"

"Not really, no" Vegard raised his eyebrows in anticipation. "Go on, I promise I won't laugh! Or I promise to laugh, whichever way you want it"

Bård took another shot before answering. There were two empty martini glasses and somewhere between fifteen and twenty shot glasses on the table. He was unsure how many of them he'd had but he was definitely feeling the buzz of the alcohol.  
"I was lonely. I missed you. Quite a lot actually. I found the picture in my bag one day and you, or it, it kind of became my Wilson"

"Wilson?" 

"Yeah, don't you remember Castaway? Tom Hanks and Wilson the volleyball?" 

"Oh right!", Vegard acknowledged, "so you talked to the picture like it was me?"

"yeah.."

"Did I answer you and stuff?"

"Vegard please..," Bård tried to change the subject by playing a melody along the rim of the various glasses on the table. It worked for a brief moment as Vegard joined in by drumming on the table top, but the lack of anyone speaking left Vegard's mind to drift off and picture the various scenes of the movie.

"Castaway was great!" he suddenly said, and then he started giggling again. "Did you have a fight with me and throw me out to sea?" 

Bård didn't answer, he tried to get up but was pulled back down by his brother who looked like he'd just had a revelation.

"Is this why you've been a little.. umm.. strange since you got back? Was the holiday really that bad?" 

The look on Bård's face made an answer unnecessary. Vegard moved closer to him and threw his arm around his shoulder.

Bård pretended to shake off the older one's arm, but he ended up snuggling further into the nook. "Don't get all sappy on me here, Vegard. I'm not broken" 

They sat like that in silence for a minute until they both reached for their glasses.

"You know," Vegard ran a hand through his hair and swallowed his umpteenth vodka shot. The empty glass hit the table with a loud thud, and he looked at Bård with an amused expression. "if we _were_ a couple, you would be the girl!"

Bård snorted. "I'm pretty sure a gay couple can have two guys. I mean, I don't think there has to be one masculine and one feminine part"

"Yeah maybe, but you'd still be the girl", Vegard winked.


End file.
